Thursday, March 1, 2007

Billy Bob Drives Himself to Drink

In the most anticipated turd since the day after my corn feast last month, "The Astronaut Farmer" from Warner Brothers hits theaters this Friday. This movie is about a farmer who builds a space shuttle in his barn. And you know what his name is? Farmer. Brilliant! It's gold! Greenlight it! And hey, doesn't Bob still owe me an 8-ball from a couple days ago?

Watching the trailer, you expect it to end with "Based on a True Story", but it doesn't. And you know why? Because without even giving it a conscious thought, your senses recoil at the idea that someone would be dumb enough to make up a story about a farmer who builds a space shuttle in his barn.

The official synopsis says that Billy Bob's character has "a degree in aerospace engineering, was a natural for NASA's astronaut training program, and was well on his way when a family situation forced him to drop out and return home."

Oh, my mistake, you're right, that totally makes sense now.

I tried to build a battleship in the shed one time, but the neighbors made me get rid of it 'cause they said the smell was lowering their property values. In retrospect, I probably should've made it out of, like, metal.

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